"I Feel Like a Monster"

"I have to disappoint you and myself. I couldn’t back out, and I had the abortion yesterday. And since last night, the guilt is eating me up. I just feel stupid, guilty, sad, useless, disgusted with myself. All the reasons I kept repeating now seem so insignificant. Why couldn’t I see this? Why couldn’t I be strong enough? I feel like a monster.
I fought so hard against the thought of abortion and couldn’t do it. Something must be seriously wrong with me, that fears of uncertainty and loss of control block me so much that I could do something so drastic. I always thought I was a good person. Now I doubt everything.
I’m so incredibly sorry. You supported me so empathetically, so lovingly, and through you, I was able to hold on a little longer! I am deeply grateful to you! At the same time, I feel deep shame."

— Carola*
 

^{*The name has been changed to protect the identity of the woman who was counseled.}