"I Want to Have My Child with Me"

"Hello. I had an abortion about three years ago when I was 16, and for the past year, everything has been resurfacing. I cry often and ask myself, what have I done to MY child? I can't cope with these feelings. Back then, I only thought: What can I offer my child? I had no education, no job, was still in school, and didn’t have my own place. Everyone in my family told me it would be better to have an abortion since I couldn’t provide anything for my child.
Yes, and after the abortion, of course, I cried—no little life growing inside me, no tiny being I carried beneath my heart.
At first, I pushed it all away, but now, whenever I see a baby, it all comes flooding back, and I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do anymore. If I were to go to my family now and tell them I can't cope, they would think I'm crazy because it has already been three years. Right now, I’m crying again because I miss my child. I want to have my child with me, hold them, and tell them how much I love them. More than anything, I wish I could turn back time. But it's not that easy.
I've been suffering for a year now, and since then, I’ve mostly been alone, isolating myself because I miss my child so much. What can I do? Does anyone have any advice on how I can process this better?"