"The Bitter Crying Didn't Stop"

"After the abortion, I felt like I had done the right thing. There were no indications that I would feel the way I do now. I lit a little candle every day, thinking that this would symbolically help me move on.
But then, it slowly and insidiously started…
At first, I only wanted to do very little. I hid at home or on my boyfriend’s couch, only watching TV. Every attempt to do something with me failed—either I was disinterested, or I felt uncomfortable in my skin and just wanted to stay in my sweatpants.
After this lack of interest, the bitter, sudden crying set in. I could hardly control it, no matter where I was. I remember a moment when my ex-boyfriend suggested going out to eat because he was tired of me sitting at home. After a long discussion, I agreed. When we sat together at the table in the restaurant, I noticed my lower lip starting to tremble, and suddenly my eyes filled with tears. Even in the crowded restaurant, I couldn't hold it together.
The bitter crying didn't stop and got worse. My boyfriend was completely overwhelmed with me in these situations because whenever he asked why I was crying, I could only answer, 'I don't know!'
I realized I missed the child, with everything that came with it. Suddenly, I began to hate myself and blame myself for many things...
I regret this decision deeply…
When I realized this, I acted quickly. I knew I needed help. I had so many issues—around me and inside me. I noticed that I was losing the ability to laugh and the joy of life more and more.
A few days ago, I went to the doctor because I couldn't work properly anymore. Of course, I broke down in front of him. He quickly said that he believed I was in depression and should seek help.
Yes, now I am taking antidepressants and am waiting in vain for a therapy slot…
However, I know that no one can take away the longing for the child I lost, perhaps only the way of dealing with it…
And I will never forgive myself…"